June 19th, 2011

So I am just the funny man, and my already taken friend, is the crush... :'( Par for the course for me it would seem...

March 17th, 2011

St. Patricks Day, no green beer for me, or green beverage of any kind.

We never really true know anyone do we? Is there anyone out there that knows themselves even? Not entirely, no one knows how they would re-act in emergency situations, or panic situations, we all know how we would want to react..

It would seem, a friend that had a great thing going, seems to be fucking it up. For what reason I have no clue. Given the recent events, I can't believe it is him. He had something that I was envious of, I would say like a house of cards, it's all falling down... but it would appear that he is bringing it down himself. Why? I have no clue. I don't want to have to choose sides again, in a breakup... That never ends good.

Part of me hopes it fails... for completely selfish reasons.. but most of me hopes that it somehow gets fixed, and lasts.. though I am not sure the relationship can handle it... If they mend it, and it survives, it would be a miracle. IMO.

If I had what they had... I would not do anything stupid to jeopardize it, well not purposely, though it would seem I am good at that, with my past relationships... lost the only man I have loved to date.. still regret that, one of the biggest regrets of my life.

But my friend, seems to be sabotaging it on purpose! That's the kicker.

February 21, 2011

Why do I only seem to find "great" guys that do not live close? Is it because I live in butt fuck no where (no pun intended, and no where in the gay world?) Or is it because all of the good ones that were in the area, are taken? Or am I too picky? Only finding reasons to not date guys in the area for whatever reason.. not cute enough, too old, etc.

A friend recently asked me if I would give up a friendship for a potential life long partner... I wasn't sure how to answer that. Would you give up a friendship, for the potential of finding a life long mate? Someone that you will grow with, start a family with, and spend the rest of your lives enjoying what is life together? Is that worth more then a friendship to you?

All of the guys, that I seem to "click" with, on an online level it would seem, sometimes in person we meet.. do not live close to me, and therefore would require a long term relationship, at least to start out.

I came across a profile on a site that said he was an American that moved to Canada for love, but that relationship did not last, and he fell in love with Canada, so he stayed... That is a risk you run with a LDR. I can't seem to find anyone that it would work with an hour away, let alone California.

Do I go looking for these online relationships, because I know that odds are, they will not develop into anything? That it can't work, so it won't work, and use that as an excuse to be single, and wallow? What does that say about me?

I am too scared to leave and try and start something somewhere else.

What's easier? Sitting here, single, working for the family business, always wanting the family that all of your friends have? or leaving, and making that happen? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, thinking that you will get a different result.. I guess that's it... I guess I am in insane...

The greatest thing is just to love, and be loved in return.

But not sure that family counts for that, well not all of it. They are a part of it.

I am best man to my brothers upcoming wedding, what am I going to say? That I am jealous of him, envious, that I want what he has? Ok, he doesn't have kids or a white picket fence, or a dog, but he does have 4 ferrets, and not that I want a white picket fence, though finding a hot boy to white wash it every spring does have it's appeal. And I have that porn somewhere... he he.

Almost 33 now, and single, in the basement, if that's not a loser, I don't know what is.

Again today I was asked why I was single? I am good looking and fun to be around... Is that just something someone says, or is it because they are trying to tell me something? I have no clue why I am single, if I did, I wouldn't be.. I am tired of being single, I want to hold someone at night, I want to BE held at night, is that so much to ask?

February 20, 2011

When I started this I'd thought I'd have lots of profound things to say, and write. I don't think that I have.

January 8th, 2011

How many times can a guy get stood up in one night?

Had plans for a movie night with a new friend... he cancelled last minute... so I was looking for something to do.. Tried another new friend, but he was not around, and I think is interested in the EX... so that may be one to fair away from as well. Then came the third. He wanted to go to a party, but the host of the party and I have an odd history. I think it's a big misunderstanding, but anyways.. that plan fell through. So I tried to make plans with him doing something else... But he said he called another friend to come over. A little while later, he txt'd, his backup plan had car issues.. and now wanted me to be his secondary backup plan... I declined....

Not sure that any of these 3 are worth taking a chance on at this point. Maybe if one of them surprisingly impresses me on a whim.

I just want to cuddle with someone, feel a warm body next to me again.

January 1, 2011

So new years was weird... Ottawa as per the most recent ritual/tradition. Shawn and Sheldon are separated. Both had new BF's over, Shawn has moved out... it's just very weird since I have only every known them together, and we had great times together.

There was a British Lad there, "str8", who couldn't hold his liqour. He was cute, fun to flirt with, but looking to get his knobby sucked. Moved from str8 girl to str8 girl, passed out, and then took what was left over when he woke back up. He was out for New Years! A disgrace to the British!

At about 3am, he went looking for a place to do it, and tried to use my air mattress, with me in it, to have sex with the woman...

Have a crush on a guy out there, very nice, very cute! But very not close by me... :(

December 15th, 2010

What is life about? What are we here for? is it worth it to be here?

December 2, 2010

Here I sit... alone... just as it has pretty much always been. Sure there have been a few that have been there over the years... But they were always reasons... Never a season or a lifetime... Why can't I have at least a season, or for the love of God, a lifetime... God... now there's someone? something? that no longer holds much clout in my books. Sure I believe in the Golden Rule, but did/do we need the Bible for that? I also believe in Karma... or thought I did at least.

I am getting tired of being a Mrs. Bucket (pro-nounced Bouquet), why should I keep up the appearance? I can't do anything right at work, Dad has to second guess, and have a hand in everything I do. He can't let go the reins, I don't think he ever will, not even after his funeral, he will find a way... somehow... knowing him... he will find a way...

There have been very few times where I took the easy route... but why can't I this time? Shouldn't I be aloud to? But it is akin to Yin and Yang... The easy route for me, would be a hard route for others... So where does that leave us? Where does it leave me?

32, single, no house, no where near where I thought I would be by now... and missing the childhood friends, and our adventures we had... it was all so simple then... I miss that simplicity... Where did it go? Why did it go? How did we drift apart? Who could have stopped that? Or was this how it was supposed to be?

November 30, 2010

An old acquaintance blocked me on Facebook the other day, it was funny really... I made a dry sarcastic joke, and well, he took it, well I am not sure how he took it... Apparently we used to be good friends, I don't remember a time when we were. And apparently I never said anything that wasn't stupid, in his opinion.

He did send me a private message telling me this, that I had to buy a car to fit in somewhere, and that if it wasn't for my "windfall" that I would have never done it... It's funny, cause I had owned the car already when the "windfall" happened, and did not buy the car for the cult, but discovered it afterwards, and liked what I had found there.

I don't put too much stock in the message, this coming from a person that had to sniff a whole vile of K on our way to Montreal, so that he could stand the car ride... Oh Mr. K... I mean really?

November 15th, 2010

Thinking thoughts that I previous thought were completely unthinkable....

Sept 24th, 2010

Well I have been single again for a few weeks now... Rumours abound about a possible infidelity, not sure I believe them, not sure I care really. I mean it is over right? Does it matter?

and I should be ecstatic for them, they are happy together, but why am I mainly feeling jealousy, and resentment... Perhaps because I feel that I will NEVER have that, or feel that with someone I love. At this rate.... I will die alone, with no partner, and family of my own. I was supposed to married with kids by now... I am in my 30's, I wanted to be closer to my sons age.... not 40 yrs his elder...

They are so happy together, in their forbidden love. Yet I don't want to see them together. How is it, he can find someone like that, in such a random way... and yet, I cannot... am I undateable? am I too picky? am I just simply a loser, that no one wants to date? Why can't I break the 4 month mark? We were almost passed it, then BANG, he dumped me. I hate this.

I had a good start of a chat with someone, it went VERY well, and then bang... it stopped, and have not heard much since then... I just don't get it... I really don't...

I don't even know why I write these...

Aug 17th, 2010

Just can't do anything right it would seem. "You have to be more smart about things"... Maybe I should just quit and move somewhere away from here... But would Shane come with me???

May 2, 2010

I have come to the realization, that I simply cannot make romantic advances very well. I am great at making friends, and that seems to be it. Perhaps it's my mannerisms, too much for some guys... :( I suppose one could argue that I was NOT his type.. but then again, it has been A LONG time since I was someone's type.

but that is who I am.. I can't imagine NOT being that person.

May 1, 2010

At the Dragon! Alone, co-pilot cancelled on me, and my roomy did as well.. both last minute... I need some better friends when it comes to roadtrips it would seem.

Met some great new people, lots of new faces, and lots of great old friends as well!

I MET XIEK is a hit!

And in keeping with tradition, had a newbie come out to me! AN UBER CUTE ONE TOO!

March 28th, 2010

Well, yes, I am a tad Jealous ATM.

A bit tired of going on these roadtrips alone... :(

March 7, 2010

Well Gay Ski Week (WinterPRIDE) is coming to a close. It has been another fun filled week. I did start to get sick in the middle of it, which put a damper on the activities a bit, but still managed to ski 5 days, well ok 4.5, since on Saturday, it was UBER BUSY, and we wasted over an hour having to hike out of Symphony Chair as it broke down, and the only way out is to hike back up hill about 1.2 km, until you can ski to another lift... I know eh, stupid design!

It was great to see old friends that I have made here over the years, Jeff & James especially (love em!), but James sprained his foot on the first day!!! :( And we just happened to ski down the same hill as him (he boards, so a different group then us skiers).

Frankie and Andy from Aussieland, were fun, met them in the lobby, they needed some help to find their condo complex. Adam, one of the ski guides, from Ontario actually, and living out here for 5 years, though this was his first gay ski week. (and he's uber cute too!)

Next year, I think I will guide again.

February 20, 2010

I guess I am just not dateable...

February 19th, 2010

Alright, this new Barrie guy. Had a great time a few weeks ago, and haven't seen him since. He has been busy since that night. I guess the cynic in me could say "busy", but the optimist in me wants to say that he really did have shit going on. Won't be until next week at the earliest that could hang out. It's all in his court at this point.

He's newly out, and in an experimental/adventurous stage it would seem. Which is great and ok. We all pretty much were. I'd like to win him over, and I can be/am adventurous.

*le sigh* Hoping he's the one, or at least gives us the chance to see if we are....

February 18th, 2010

I must be too nice.. that's it.. Why do I let myself get into situations like this.

That guy that I had a great date with in Oct/Nov and things were going well... Now is venting to me, he wants his ex back, that he left, and his ex is seeing someone new now...

I have to say, I am a bit bias on this situation, since I want to date this guy, but obviously, I am the furthest thing from his mind for a date....

I guess I really am a sucker for punishment....

February 8th, 2010

Am I gay cause I like men, or because I wanted to be different, and not fit into any mould?

February 7th

Had a blast at the bar with friends. Made some new ones, and an old friend that we had some awkward times over the last few years. Maybe that friendship will come full circle now?

New guy! Here's to not screwing this one up!

January 25th, 2010

I never assumed that life was going to be easy, but then again, I never thought it could suck this bad.

January 24th, 2010

Had a blast with some old friends in Buffalo for one of their Birthdays. Been ages too long since we hung out. He's a great guy.

Met some great new people, both Cannucks and Amurican. Even a guy that was here in Midland, in school the same time I was. He went to MSS though and not St. T's, so our paths did not directly cross, but they more then likely did at some point or another.

Definitely have to get back to Buffalo in the future, party it up again!

January 18th, 2010

Why can't people just be open and honest, why do they have to be so cryptic? Just tell it like it is! Watched the movie today "He's just not that into you" some very true things in that movie.. both for gays and straights.

Perhaps I am being too cynical about some things. But with the recent family issues, and the ongoing issues with not finding a good man to date... Or finding a good man to date, that is either too far away, or does not want to date me back. Since that would be a key factor in finding the man of my dreams. Or does that man of dreams not exist, and should I just settle...

I have always said that I have NO regrets in life.. I am starting to think I may have 1 or 2.. There are definitely things I could have and should have (hindsight is 20/20) done differently.

Is there a "RESET" button for life?

January 8th, 2010

pathetic, loser, wimp, good for nothing.

January 3, 2010

2010 the year of uninhibited behaviour

January 2, 2010

I am a failure at things that I don't necessarily want to be to good at. But still want to know that I could if I wanted to

Is is wrong to not want to spend time with certain friends, due to the company and friends they have and invite over too?

I fear there will always be "that" anonymity between us now, no matter what the future will bring.

January 1, 2010

Well New Years Eve in Ottawa was a great time with some good friends. They have always been there for me, and there are plenty of others that have, that are from different circles of friends, that I could not spend this time with either. I do miss them. I will help a lot of friends move, but only a few I would help move a body for.

I miss all of you, my other friends that I don't see that often. It does not mean I love you any less, then there are others that I see more then I can handle, and that is just by coincidence.

Met some great new people, fun people, people that have odd common friends, well not odd, but ones you would not expect, or for the reasons one may expect for the unexpected friends.

Will these new friends be reasons, seasons, or lifetimes? I could handle any one of those for any of them. I really could

December 29th, 2009

So the hint of the message you sent, just sorta sunk in now...

It would seem that, as great as that first date was, it was not great enough to warrant a second one, and that I was just a reason to you. Not a season or a lifetime (though I was hoping for the latter).

Time for me to move on, again it would seem

I think I need to accept that, for whatever reason (as it is not obvious to me) that I will be single for life... And may never find my Prince Charming, and have my 2.4 kids, dog, and white picket fence....

Though, it will be hard to tackle life, knowing that I may never find that...

December 15th, 2009

Starting to think that I will never live the dream.

What is better? To be here, in Midland, single, and well to do professionally, or to be elsewhere, with someone I can love and will for the rest of my life (long term anyways) and still be doing alright prefessionally?

That is the current debate for me. I am not sure that I can, or ever will find what I am wanting in my personal life, here in Simcoe... Just doesn't seem to be people that I am interested in, or that are interested in me... The last few in the area that I have been interested, have not been interested back in me... One cited all these reasons why he never could hang out... MOM was always over, I was totally oblivious to the hints I spose... and the fact that he always met my friend he met at pride...

Oh well, another one bites the dust and moving on.. but that line is quickly diminishing... I fear, now more then ever, that I will never find him, the one. That I will be single forever.

Sure I have some friends, some are more real then others, but friends can only fill so many voids...

December 14th, 2009

Was supposed to go and meet a chat friend last night. I went, was there, for 25min waiting.. and they no-showed. Well I got an email that said he was there but 20 min late. He did not have a cell, but he did have my cell to tell me he would be late or no show. Soooooo ya... I had a feeling that he would no show, right from the get go, but I didn't want to no show on him. I made plans, and I stick by them (99% of the time). His 3 min walk from the meeting point, turned into being 20 min late. Just seems par for the course it would seem.

December 13th, 2009

What's the fucking point anyways...

December 10th, 2009

So this guy I like.. now has 2 full time jobs.. which basically means.. no free time to hang out and get to know him better... :( and I really want to!

December 8th, 2009

So, a friend was bored and didn't want to be at home.. I invited him over for a movie at my place... turns out I was the one that should not have been home. I realize I do live at home, in the basement, so it is not really MY house.. but, doesn't dad all of a sudden decide to organize something in the basement, in the room where we are watching the movie... and proceed to tell and do the stupid embarassing things that your parents always did when you had friends over when you were younger (you all know what I mean)

I couldn't believe it... I really couldn't. I do always have friends over, I don't throw parties, a few friends here and there, they are always saying I should not be afraid to have friends over, and he goes and pulls this shit. Yes, again it is his house, yes, it is not mine, I do pay rent however.

Is this his way of secretly telling me to piss off. He has said to my face he does not mind me here... and likes the fact that I am here for dinner all the time, that he gets to talk to his "little boy". Between this and the other shit, I'd like to say my father is going crazy, but unfortunately, this is just par for the course. My friend being over, didn't affect his social or life in anyway, so he can still do whatever the fuck he wants to do.

December 6th, 2009

Had a great time at the Euchre Party on Sat night. Scored 52, 65, 65, 60, 59 were some scores higher then mine. It was not as awkward as I had thought it may be. With his ex being there, and all his family. Quite the opposite actually, and his family is fun.

Just when you had an idea what was going on, your Dad goes and turns it upside down. It's going to be a stressful few week'/month's it would seem. It better not interfere with my Whistler and Vegas plans.

Also wondering why a friend would say no to hanging out, cause his MOM Is over, and then be on MSN all night....

November 29th, 2009

So spent the day in Lewiston, NY with some MINI peeps, did some shopping, and then a nice Lasagna Dinner @ Jack & Lauries, it was a fun day. Laurie's B-day was yesterday too.

Back to this new guy I am VERY INTERESTED in.. I think I am getting too excited and am worried will scare him away at this point... Our date we had, has got to be the best first day I have ever had... I am anxious for our 2nd date. Hopefully we can find time for it it soon.

November 21, 2009

Earlier this week, got the chance to meet a new chat friend. Took him out for MINI-PUTT and DINNER. It was the best I have had in a long time. Great convo, good times, good fun. Very cute, and can carry a convo. I am excited where this can go, and know where I would like it to go. I won at Putt Putt, and took him to his choice, Kelsey's. We both happened to order the same thing. Trying to not get too excited, but am optimistic and hopeful that it will. It all just feels so right with him.

On a totally separate note, Chris has yet to re-add me to facebook as we talked about. I did decline his request 2 times, mainly because he never told me that he was deleting me, and we hang out with our friends all the time. I guess he really does not want to be friends afterall. Now, do I ignore the next request again now, since it has been a few weeks since we actually talked about the incidents?

November 14th, 2009

31yrs old, and I am where I am.. No where near where I had imagined I would be now when I was younger. Partner, kids, house, dogs... ya know, those kinds of things.. here I am single, in the basement.... Making the most of it.

October 2, 2009

New friends had a house warming party. Met some kewl new people. An old friend/bf? was there.. Not sure you could say we were BF's officially.. though we did have a fling...

He was surprisingly communicative, based on the last communiqué that I received from him on a website when I moved up here. Basically told me he wanted nothing to do with me... But that was not the feeling I got from him at the party.

It was surprising, and, appreciated.

And well, that crush/love interest, it obviously not interested in me in ANY way... so on to the next interest.

Part of what has been putting me in a funk lately. Single, at home, not many dates, and with the rejection...

Every guy I have been remotely interested in lately... has not been interested back... I need something to get me out of this funk I am in.. Not sure what that is.. another major change? But how will that affect the family business?

September 13th, 2009

Had tickets to see Cirque du Soleil: OVO in Toronto for tonight. Asked a newer friend, well known him for a bit, started hanging out recently. Have a crush on him too...

Not sure what I expected Sat night, but it wasn't what happened, that is for sure.

Didn't expect anything other then a good time together. Show was great.

Afterwards, a few of his friends came down, we went to Goodhandy's (Torontos Pansexual Bar), pretty much anything goes. It was an experience that is for sure. While there, an interest of his showed up, and he was all over him.. Not I... Met 708 on the street, a guy that lives in 708... lol, he was UBER CUTE and fun to party with.. and par for the course, he met a guy that he liked from Cedars, and he was all about HIM.. which left me... just me... *le sigh*

So there I was, watching the cute guy I had a crush on and took out, make out with another guy (that snubbed me no less last year a few times at that) to add insult to injury... Guess I am too subtle. Well just friends it is!

His friends were a decent consolation prize though, I will give it that. They were fun to party with, a good group.

Got a hotel room to crash at for the night, ended up with 3 singles in it... JUST PERFECT, ONE BED EACH...  TABARNAC eh...

Sunday went to Hanlans Pt. Beach (clothing optional). Since I thought it was just a night, didn't have beach wear. Dress shoes, jeans and my polo.. Excellent Beach wear don't you agree?

It was good times with the new gang... interesting sights that's for sure at the Beach. Homos, Heteros, Families, I think I'd go back, with proper beach wear this time. (though pretty much anything goes at the clothing optional beach) It definately did help with my own body image self esteem, just as Pat said it would.

and I don't think that my snoring at night helped any situation in any way..... hey, it's who I am.

August 6th, 2009

Thought about removing all my profiles off line today... They don't seem to be attracting any guys... Tired of weeding through the empty responses. Perhaps I will be single for life. As shitty as that is.

July 26th, 2009

So the latest guy that I was interested in, likes my best friend... Just par for the course for me it would seem.

My ex tried to re-add me as a friend on facebook. I ignored the first and second one, wonder if there will be a 3rd. Now it's just a pity add, as I am sure he has found out from the grapevine that his deletion of me, did hurt. Now I just don't care about salvaging any sort of relationship there. His first deletion told me that he doesn't value the friendship like he said he did when we broke up. I will be civil to him when I see him, as we will and do see each other at social functions. But it would seem he made his choice.

July 9th, 2009

Trophies, all of us like to receive them and have our names on them. Now you can't have your name on a trophy spouse (unless you tattoo their ass). Lately I have been thinking if that is what I was waiting for, a trophy husband. Now there are 2 main types of trophy husbands... Physical and Total, I think I have been focusing too much on the physical trophy. Physical trophies are ones that look great now, but the looks can fade. Total trophies are the ones that have great personalities, and will be there for the long haul. They are the ones that you want to be with every moment of every day, and they want to be with you the same. You want to be with them every moment of every day. Now sometimes you can find the rare double trophy. Smokin' hot WITH personality. They do exist, but usually are like POLKAROO, you always hear about them, but rarely see them.

Too many people focus on the physical trophy aspect and not enough on the person. We all do it, no matter what anyone says. But you have to admit, there is something about the pure physical ness of those trophies, isn't there?

So next time you meet someone, or get hit on, think about that other trophy, the one that will be there for the long term. Looks fade with time, you may not always have that physical trophy. Unless, of course, that is all that you want.

July 3rd, 2009

Well, Pride is over, and time to get back to normal life... Whatever normal life is.

I had a great time there, good to hang out with some old friends, meet some new ones along the way too. Never enough time to hang with all of the friends though, so to those I missed.. I am sorry, but you can call/e-mail me anytime to hang out.

Today the ex tried to re-add me to facebook, after he deleted me. Not sure what to think about that. He deleted me suddenly without telling me why. We still hang out together with our mutual friends, which did make it VERY AWKWARD for me. Not sure how it was for him? After finding out why he did it, it sorta made sense, but still given that we are still friends, or so I thought, it would have been nice to get a message. I ignored the friend request today. Was that right or wrong? Who knows, but it is what I did. I will be seeing him on Saturday at the BBQ a mutual friend is hosting.

I would have done anything for him, had he asked.

April 10th, 2009

Good Friday today...

Was cleaning out the inside of my car today, getting most of the last of the glass out from when it was broken into a few weeks ago.. While doing that, I was pleasantly surprised by an old friend and his daughter. They came for a visit. Now normally this would not be a big deal, but this friend, had pushed me away after coming out. And we pretty much never spoke after that. It took years for him to even acknowledge me again. It hurt at the time, as he was one of two of my closest friends. So you can imagine how surprised I was when he made the effort to initiate contact with me. We chatted a bit, but his daughter wanted to go back home, so they left. Later in the evening he called me to say that they were going to one of our other friends places to hang out, and offered to drive me there. Again, I was surprised, could our friendship be back on the upswing?

That was pretty much the best Easter/Birthday present I could have asked for. We use to do everything together. I really miss those guys and the times we had.

January 8th, 2009

Been feeling a bit down lately... Some friends seem to be drifting away, they call less, if at all. Am still single at 30, have to wonder why sometimes. I am starting to lose my optimism on finding my prince.

There have been some some really great friends that have been there for me, and continue to be. I really appreciate that, and I know it's life, but sometimes when the ones you want or thought would be those friends, aren't. Just as when you thought you had the one, but didn't... or worse, had the one but pushed him away. I don't think I want to know the answer to that question.

December 27th, 2008

Christmas has come, and gone, and time has been spent with our loved ones. I was in high spirits when I woke up today. But then received from news from a friend that he just tested positive. Mid-20's, whole life in front of him, not the funnest to deal with at ANY stage of your life, let alone such an early stage. I will be there for you buddy.. whatever you need.

I also fear that I am drifting out of touch with the group of "friends" in the area. Seems I know less and less about different social functions that are happening... Perhaps my invites are being lost in cyberspace... Yes, that must be it.

December 12, 2008

Yet another new friend in the area, this is great. Nice guy, very cute. Hope the friendship has a chance to build.

December 10th, 2008

Had an excellent time last night. Drove around and talked with a new friend. Hope the friendship develops there. And have written off some new friends that don't seem to want to hang out ever, make excuses not to when asked when we can hang out. I wish them well in their respective lives. Why do people feel the need to play those games still?

December 1, 2008

Do you ever watch a movie and find yourself thinking... Damn, I wish my life was like that, it all seems so great and would love to have those experiences?

November 22nd, 2008

The games that gay men seem to play... Playing coy, eager to meet ya whilst chatting, then when it comes down to it... "something" seems to come up, just fucking say NO, NOT INTERESTED already.

November 17th, 2008

So had a chat with this cute new guy in town.. but am not sure about him now... seemed very interested to meet for a drink and chat, but then when it comes down to making a time/date to meet, something comes up....

November 9th, 2008

Why make someone a priority, when to them you are merely an option... That's what a friend said to me a while back after I had a great date, (what I thought was a great date) and they didn't want to go out again...

So if you are my priority, and I am just an option to you, then who is your priority, and are you just an option to them? A vicious circle it would seem.

I just watched Across the Universe, and it made me think, I sit here, alone, single, yes friends, but how many of them are "friends", would they miss me if I were gone? Would they even care?

November 9th, 2008

I believe that I have OFFICIALLY now become a sugar daddy... and I don't know how to think about that.

July 29th, 2008  

ACTIONS are louder then words. Sometime I think that we are not aware of our actions, or what they say about our intentions and feelings. I have been guilty of it myself, I know it. But at the time, I could not help it, or was not aware I was that readable.

Recently I was witness to and the target (however un-planned) of some actions, and observations.

They hurt a bit, but in the end, I am sure it will be for the better.

It's hard to say if this person was aware of what they were doing, and what it told about them and the past. Only the future will tell.

July 26th, 2008

Gay Barrie Boat Cruise was this weekend... It was great, the pre-BBQ was fun, met some great new people, and the cruise was even better, met some new people there, re-kindled old aquaintences, some old friends, old school-mates, some potential future ex-bf's.. LOL

It was great meeting all of you, and hope to cross paths again in the future.

June 8th, 2008

Regrets, most of us have them, some of us more then others. I have not really had any "regrets" per say, sure there were situations that I could have handled differently in the past, but I don't regret what I did, cause that was who I was at the time, and those were my actions, and I stood by them.

Today though, I think I have some regrets on the past.

But I guess one can argue that I am still who I am, and those were my actions, and why should I regret me for being me. For I did what I did, and in this case, given the opportunity, I would have done some things differently.

I never like to play the "what if" game, who knows what would have happened if you had got stopped by that red, instead of running that yellow.. How would your life be different today?

This regret, I will have to live with my entire life, embrace it and learn from it.

Love you always,

J

June 7th

Today I realized that what I had hoped and wished was not a dream, it was real life, and I would not wake up from it.

I also leave you with this:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.

 Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, for it is real, but only for a season.

 LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

 So whatever you have been to me, or whatever you may be to me, and whatever you have been to others, and others have been to you, cherish those times. For who really knows who is a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Sometimes the one you want to be a lifetime, may only be a reason or a season.

May 12th

So I had a FREAKIN BLAST down in North Carolina at the Dragon this year. Best time I have ever had down there. Met a lot of kewl people, and saw old friends that I have not seen since last year.

And down there, in the smokey mountains is where I decided to turn to the next chapter in the book of Xiek. It has been a roller coaster of emotions these past few weeks.

This is when that email rains true. Some people come into your life to fulfill a specific need, those are reasons, then there the seasons, people that are around a bit longer, and then there are the lifetimes... Took me a good while to realize that the people you want to be lifetimes may only be reasons or seasons, and you just have to accept that.

April 27th, 2008

Had a really good today motoring with the MINI club.. I was a passenger though, as my car is still in the shop with no tranny in it... (no, not that kind of tranny, my transmission)

I was Adam's co-pilot and we had WAY TOO MUCH FUN... lol, we have similar personalities, I think his GF was jealous of me... lol

Good day to get my mind of things.

April 24th, 2008

Not sure how to deal with the fact that my EX is dating a friend of mine... I am not sure how to handle that... I am still not sure why our relationship failed... one day "I love you", next day, "I don't love you as a BF", "I just want to be friends" were all those "I love you" Lies? and friends talk to each other right? they return messages right?

Will I be single forever? Am I just not dateable and don't see why? Do you know if/why I am not dateable?

I do know one thing.. and maybe I was not good at proving it.... I have never loved anyone I have ever dated as I did him....

My friend is a nice person and I wish him all the best in whatever he chooses in life. It was not easy for him to come out like he did, took balls, and I admire him for that. He is still my friend, would take more then this, it's not like they were cheating behind my back, we were all single, we were all fair game. My feelings are afterall, biased on this topic.

So why does it hurt right here?

April 13th, 2008

So ya, it is the day after my party, and it is my BIRTHDAY TODAY 12:50pm. And it was a smashing party... I was really surprised on who actually came to the party.. Made me feel really good. An old college buddy came, some MINI friends, and then the family... ohhh the family was there....

Somehow my one uncle ended up naked in the kitchen surrounded by all my friends. My other uncle decided to PANTS him... 3 times!!!

My Mom was going shot for shot with Mary (Kieth).. GO MOM!!!

My uncle who did the pantsing... got into a scrap with my neighbour... Wouldn't be a gay party without DRAMA right?

April 12th, 2208

Well tomorrow I turn 30. I have to be honest, I have certain reservations about being 30, and single. I have the annual XSRBBBES planned up here in Midland, I know that not all the people that I WANT to be there will be able to make it, but hope that a majority of them will. I invited Subby and Randy, not sure if they will make it. Subby said yes, but I am not holding my breath.. Randy, said maybe.

February 24, 2008   

Well it has been some time since I have written in here. Back in Sept, I met a guy online, sent a few messages, then poked him on facebook. We started dating, our first big date was KOOZA. That was what we were calling our official relationship date.

It was a great 4 months, he was the first to say "I love you", and then he said it everyday thereafter pretty much. I was starting to fall in love with him too. He was great, accommodating, fun, liked to go out, and well he wanted to date me.. Until one day suddenly he said that he no longer loved me as a BF, that he thought we could be great friends. Well I was hurt, really bad, I was taken a back, as I thought everything was great... then like Emeril.. BAM.

I had tried to call him a few times, picked up the phone, but could not dial.. So I finally sent him an e-mail... then last week on V-Day, he called and asked if I wanted to come over for dinner and a movie night... I had already made plans to have dinner with another friends as his husband was at work.. and I hate to break plans that I make... (pet peeve when people do it to me)

He then removed himself from facebook for a week, never replied to my phone calls/msgs that I left, or an email that I sent... I sent him one last facebook message.. I had bought tickets for RENT as a surprise when we were dating.. and was going to offer the ticket to him... if he wanted it... mutual friends of ours will be there, (6) tickets in total...

Maybe he changed his mind about being friends... but I still love him... Maybe always will...

Makes my motto ever more relevant.... "what does not kill you, makes you stronger" I just hope I don't get too strong, that my skin gets too tough and I don't let people in....

July 21st, 2007

Well, there may be business opportunities in Huntsville... Can I live in Huntsville, do I want to live in Huntsville?

July 18th, 2007

Well I recently found out that a guy that I went to High School with, committed suicide. I was surprised to hear this. He was always a joker, and the life of the classroom or party/gathering.

He had apparently planned it for quite some time. Made plans with a lot of people, to keep them off the trail. Then he gathered all his bills and things, got a lot of his affairs in order, and hung himself. He put a note on his body, with his name, address and parents info.

He had not been happy out in AB, did not want to come home and feel like shit cause all his friends had houses, families, careers, and he didn't.

To anyone out there, please if you ever feel this low, talk to someone, you may think that you are alone, but there is someone out there that cares about you. Things can never be that bad that death is the only way out.

May 12th, 2007

Sitting here, all alone, just me and my thoughts. Went to the monthly Gay Dance, and well, felt a bit awkward, as I felt alienated by some of my closest friends. I know why one is kinda weird, he had to cancel plans to go camping with me last minute. That was upsetting, cause it was pretty much a year in planning... and it was paid for.. I haven't asked him for $$ yet, and well he hasn't talked to me since I got back. Tonight I went over to hang and chat with them, and well they all sort of ignored me. So that was a bit disheartening... AND, there was a guy I have been chatting with at the dance, and well given my mindset, did not get the chance to confirm it was him.

I hope things improve with these friends, I cherish the friendship between us, and don't want to lose it over something as stupid as this.

Went for a drive to clear the head, and got thinking of Grandma and Grandpa again, I miss them. I guess it is a good thing that they still pop into my head on occasion.

April 12th, 2007

Spent the evening chatting with a guy from the US. Really nice to chat to... and on dudesnude of all places... From Colorado, hope to chat with him again sometime, I know hard to tell from a chat, but really does seem like a decent guy.

March 19th, 2007

Went to Sudbury with Kris and Frank, for Kris' BDAY.. It is not until this week but we went up early. Had a blast at ZIG's, so far I have enjoyed every visit there. Met some new people again.. Fred, and Mel.. lots of fun..

Went to a PITA place afterwards, where I had a really good conversation with Tamara, about her very cute lil Boyfriend who also works there.

I did sleep in the car, almost all the way there and home again.. he he... I was not driving, so I could.. :P

After Sudbury, I was on my way to KW to meet with a long term chat friend. Went to his place, ended up watching Indiana Jones PT I & II, had some PIZZA. It was a rather enjoyable night, and he turned out to be better than I anticipated through our chats.

March 16th, 2007

Well, another long time between entries...

Since then I have gone to Whistler for winterPRIDE '07. Had a blast, met lots of new people, saw old friends from previous years, had some good skiing, and 1 day of great skiing. Justin, a long term chat friend, was there and we hung out for 2 nights. Too bad we couldn't hang out for more, but alas, school got in the way...

Spent New Years in Ottawa with my brother Jeff (GF Emily), long term best friend Rob (wife Renee), and Skyler and GF. It was great fun, got hit on by the waiter, but then he no showed to the bar he recommended to us.. meh.. still had a blast.

Met a new friend in the area, Shawn. so far he is pretty kewl. We will see where that goes.

Starting to plan my summer out, and the MINI activities so far.. he he.. May 3-7 for the Dragon.

This weekend is Kris' BDAY in Sudbury, and after that, going to meet another long term chat friend Mykel.. Can't wait for that.

If there is anything else that you want to know, just ask me.

I do miss chatting with some of my chat friends, MEGAKEWLSK8RDUDE, wherever you are... MISS YA LOTS.. You went offline rather suddenly and have not been back on since.

December 23, 2006

Well, doesn't the holiday season always bring out the best in people? (sarcasm) So I am in line at Zellers, and they open the cash next the line I am in. I tell the lady in front as she is next in line. She almost gets plowed over by these 2 native Canadians. When I said that she was next... their reply was "she never asked to serve the next person, she said anyone over here" I looked at him, and said "It's common sense and courtesy that she was next, you were at the back of the other line, how were you close to be next in line and waiting less time then the rest of us?" They just shrugged and turned around.

Gotta love lineups and how everyone thinks that they should be first. Who cares about anyone else. What is this world coming to?

November 22, 2006

Well today is the wake. I think I am ready for it. It will be hard, saying goodbye. I must say I am a tad upset that some friends have not said anything to me, and have ignored the topic. Not that it is an easy topic. But there are some friends, who have been there for me and will be there for me today. It helps a lot.

I am a pallbearer tomorrow, they will all be grandchildren. I have never been one before, I hope that I can handle it, and that my cousin's can as well.

November 19, 2006

Well, shortly after 9pm last night. Having just spent a good lunch with Grandpa, and hours before called Uncle Paul to tell him how to make a meatloaf, her condition took a turn for the worse. My Grandma Cel passed away. She had been in hospital for a couple weeks, not doing well. Up and down, had just gotten word that she was being transferred to PGH, a long term care facility. I think that is partly what attributed to her passing. She had given up, she didn't want to spend a long time in hospital. Born Oct 7, 1934, she was 72. She will be missed. Partly known as the gambling granny complete with fanny pack, she always had a great time and joked around.

I will miss you Grandma.

November 9, 2006

Starting to really think about and book my Whistler trip this year. Can't wait. Always lots of fun.

Bought a 6/49 ticket for last nights $34M draw, not sure if I won anything yet, have to check the ticket still.

October 31, 2006

Well today is the 8 year anniversary of the missing of Jake Just. Jake disappeared on his way home from a party, he took a short cut through the woods by his house, woods he as traveled many times before.

No trace of him was ever found. I went to school with Jake, now we were not BEST friends, but we did know each other.

The police here are still working on this case, and following up on any leads that they receive.

Jake, I hope you are at peace, wherever you are.

In Remembrance.

October 24, 2006

Yes it has been a while since I had a chance to update this. Well, I thought I should today.

Today I found out that a long term chat friend of mine had been deceiving me for our entire conversation period. It has been at least since April 2006, as far as my records go back. This person just sent an e-mail out to a lot of people he was talking to, saying that he his not the one in the pics he posted, and was not the person that he pretended to be. This person believes that what he did was justified for his reasons. I tend to disagree. I am not sure how many people he had believing that he was the person he was not. But I know I was one of them. I had my suspicions at first, he seemed to have answers to all my questions that were suitable, and not to quick, and not to slow, and were the same. He had several pics of the same guy, both clothed and unclothed, when I found the same pic posted online from a different area, I again asked if they were him, and he could tell me where all the pics were taken, so he did his research. Granted he never came on cam, or sent any candid photos.

I am not sure how he feels what he does affects people. I know I am one that tends to be a tad bit too trusting, but what of the other people on his list, others that were deceived, will they be so quick to brush it off. Can they move on? Will they ever trust anyone online ever again? Can I?

I am just at a loss, and can only hope that Karma will play out. I do believe in Karma. Use any cliché you want, "every Dog has it's day", "what goes around comes around".

Just beware, don't get too trusting, if a situation don't feel right, it probably isn't.

July 30th, 2006

Well this weekend was great. It was Rob, Renee, Jeff, Emily, Marcus, Chris (the brit), Mike and Shell (Rob's neighbor). We were back woods boat camping. Been 5 years we did that. At the risk of sounding gay. I missed them. Really good to start re-connecting old bonds and friendships. I just hope we can get to how it used to be... I miss those days.

May 17th, 2006

Ok, so with one Grandma in the hospital experiencing mini-strokes, the other one's house call nurse calls 9-1-1 and has her sent to Hospital. Turns out she had a Heart Attack.  So both are in the Hospital now for observation, both ARE better... but still.. takes a toll on the emotions.

May 15th, 2006

ARGH, backups, backups, backups! I lost my Xiek.com main page... and not can't get the link bar to work when uploading. VERIFY YOUR BACKUPS!

May 8th, 2006

Got back from the Dragon, had to go alone, but still had a good time. Met lots of kewl people there. Some really HOT guys there, some even many play for the team. Can't wait to go back next year. May 3rd, 2007.

April 5th, 2006

So yes, it has been some time since I have written here... meh, sue me.

Just tried to have a conversation with someone on a chat line. He was young, already bitter and jaded with the world, with an attitude. I believe in Karma, he will get bitch slapped soon in life, and I hope he will fall off of the pedestal he has himself on. You know those "I am better then you in every way, why are you talking to me" complexes.. It seems, decency is fading away quicker and quicker everyday. I mean I am one for open and honest communication and like to be told how things are. But there is straight to the point, and there is just adding that asshole tone to it... It is unfortunate that people are having that younger and younger now... Just have to hope that they will get that wake-up call in life soon. I think I know who it is too.. and he has about 10 different profiles on every site that he is on.. with different pics, some of face, some not. Which makes it hard to determine who he is... I mean really.

February 15th, 2006 7:00 am

So I just had a really odd dream. I was somehow privy to some high mob info and they knew it. I had 2 close friends that were high in the mob, but the mob didn't know it. So I was taken out to dinner, a long chat about menial stuff. Then came the car ride to an abandoned factory, against a brick wall. Apparently I had had this drive before, and survived miraculously, not sure how. My 2 friends were there to help get it done, and another female high up. They put me against a wall, and my friend started to shoot at me, she missed 3 times this forced the lead female to come closer to me, I jumped her, pointed her gun to her head in the struggle and shot the back of her head off. She was still twitching, so I finished the clip in her head out of fear. Went to drive away in her crappy car just as a full bus drove by, and just as we rounded the corner, a TTC transit supervisor was coming onto the scene. We were on our way to get another car, a jerry can full of fuel and were going to burn the car... (Does that even work?)... Fucked up eh...

February 10th, 2006

I was watching the news king5.com, it is a Seattle station. They are furious that Medicaid paid for Breast implants, penile implants, and good god, a Sex Change operation for $9500, someone should tell them that $9500 for a sex change is a good deal. Medicaid says that they can explain the costs, but the auditor says that they are not and should not be covered with tax payers money. I would agree with that on the breast implants, unless of course, it was due to an operation where someone may have lost one to cancer, or some other reason. That would be a mental and self esteem issues. I think that sex change should be covered, it used to be covered here in Canada, but a couple years ago it was de-listed, we are trying to get it re-listed to be covered by OHIP. Provided one goes through the required process of course.

February 7th, 2006

Why is it that some of the really cute guys and great guys that I meet always live too far away to even consider a relationship with them? I have friends that do that too. I think it has something to do with rejection, and that when it is over, and if it doesn't work out at all, that it is easier to justify it due to distance. But that is just my $0.02 worth.

Feb 1st, 2006

Gaywhistler.com picked up the event and started to change/plan events for Gay Week so that all was not lost on the homos that could not cancel their tickets and reservations. Let's hope it will still be a good time, at least if it is not, the skiing should be better then last year.

January 26th, 2006

Well I am not sure that this year could get much worse already. This has been a bad week. Harper won, Altitude got cancelled and I am officially single again... When it rains it pours.

January 1, 2006

Here it is, the first entry of 2006.

You may have read on other pages that I spent the New Years Celebration in Sudbury, at Zig Zags, the gay bar there. A new friend has 2 extra tickets and asked if Mike and I wanted to go, so we said yes. I missed spending it with old friends like I have in the past, and wish that I could have spent it with EVERYONE that I know, but I did meet some great new people. Jen and Ricky, awesome couple, Jen is almost 9 months pregnant, so she couldn't drink, I wish you all the best, and maybe you will name the baby after me... *wink*. Kris and Frank, it was a blast to party with you two. You two are great friends as well, I look forward to building that friendship up.

Just before the year ended,  I heard word that two of my closer e-friends went into rehab. I was surprised on WHO they were. We all have issues, and all deal with them differently. I am happy that they have sought out help and are receiving. It was great that they had some great friends close to them to help them with that.

The year ended on a sad note and a bit of wake up call for us all. Jane Creba was walking downtown TO with some friends where she was hit with a stay bullet and killed.  Too many of our youth are dying unnecessarily. There is a vigil scheduled tomorrow at Dundas Square. That is great, and good way to get and give support. At the risk of sounding cynical, what will that do? Really? We need tougher gang laws, tougher gun laws. There was a city wide arrest of gang members about a month ago, apparently they are all out on bail, 2 days after arrest. That is just not right. The police know 99.9% of the gang members names, where they are, they just don't have enough evidence to arrest and get a conviction on. What has our society come to... One can only hope that things will change in the new year... Can it get worse then this, if it does, and what point will it get better? In 2005 there were 78 Homicides, and 52 of them were gun related.

I am looking forward to the New Year, am excited on what it will bring, and hopeful as well.

You have to live life to it's fullest all the time, don't leave the good clothes until a special occasion, and break out the good china from time to time, and always Dance as if no one is watching.

December 21, 2005

Well today I actually got to chat to a friend that I had in College. We have been missing each other on MSN for a couple weeks now, but finally connected...

Apparently he has lots of gay friends and goes to the village all the time.. which is great.. and is kewl with me. So many breeders aren't it would seem. Insecure closet homos that they are...

Hope to keep in touch with him more often and not lose touch again.

October 26, 2005

Tonight I asked Mike to be my BF, guess what. He said YES!! I am no longer single and sure as hell not single for life.

October 25, 2005

Well I have found something, it is too early to say if it is love or not, but it definitely is something. Here's hoping....

October 17, 2005

Opposites, I was asked tonight if I thought that opposites attracted... As far as magnets go yeah they do. As for people, I am not sure. I think that some differences are good, and some similarities are as well. The differences is what you can build on and teach each other.

I spent the evening with a great guy. Have you ever been with someone and felt just content that they were there with you and you were not doing anything but sitting there. That is what I have been feeling lately. Never mind the fact that I wanted to hug and kiss him all night, but didn't... I was too nervous too, yeah, that is right, me too nervous to kiss a boy...

October 9, 2005

Don't you just love the guys (or anyone) that believe that they are better than you and too good to talk to you. I guess those people exist all over the world, not just in major urban centres. Even in the country. So if I believe that I am better then them for not doing what they do, or acting how they act. Who is better then who, or am I just as arrogant as them? Something to think about this Thanksgiving weekend for ya.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY to all, and to all a bloated evening

October 6, 2005

I think the best thing about being home and working with my dad is that we finally have some common ground. Something that we can talk about  and bond. It took 27 years, but it is working, slowly but surely. It is bringing us closer together.

September 28, 2005

Ok, so 2 amazing dates, and they did not involve sex. Yes that is possible to have, some of you may not believe it, but I know from experience. We will have to see what #3 brings us, I am open to how far this new relationship could go. All the way to BF's would be great, but I ain't counting my eggs just yet. Will wait to see where the pieces will fall. Cute, right age, good head on his shoulders (hard to find), very open, and very honest (also hard to find these days).

September 10, 2005

Well Simcoe County Pride Week was back around August 22, and guess what, Midland raised the pride flag for it. More then happy to do it, no problems. The kicker is, the flag is STILL up, 2.5 weeks afterwards... Is that not kewl or what??

August 7, 2005

Missed opportunities... Hard to be around one, so try not to make too many of them. Take it from me. Don't ever let yourself think what if, if you want something, or want to get to know someone, don't wait until it/they are gone. Just DO IT, DO IT.

July 21, 2005

So yeah, I am sitting here chatting with a friend, who I had a couple dates with. I knew we were not exclusive, and I was not ready to jump too fast, have done that before and it fucked things up. But he just told me that he met a great guy, and wants to date him more. What could but say I was happy for him. Obviously things between us are not changing, just casual friends.

Self-pity, it is great ain't it.

July 17, 2005

It is funny. I have some friends that have asked me to not share info about them to certain individuals, but when I asked the same of them, it would seem that it leaked out.... funny how that is... Is that revenge or hipocritism?

July 7, 2005

A friend and I were talking about polyamorous relationships, he wanted one, said he was talking to his bf about one. I think I could do one, it would definitely be interesting and take some work. Could you do a polyamorous relationship? Would you try it if you found 2 other great people that you wanted to be with on more then a sexual level?

July 6, 2005

Alone, 1, no one else but you... 1 truly is the loneliest number. But is companionship worth all the trouble? Some have been in them for years and will be their whole lives, some go in and out of them like they are dirty underwear. Is there a match for you out there, just one one person that is perfect for you and you are perfect for them. If you see each other in passing, will you know? If you do not find that person, do you settle for 2nd best? Some love the single life, does that mean that they do not have that perfect other person in the world? Or do they care not to find them? Is that fair to the other person? But then, is life really fair?

Lots of questions, but are there any answers?

July 5, 2005

Openness and Honesty, things that you want, and that lots of people claim to have/be, but really are not. Don't you just hate when you are told they are being open and honest, but know for a fact that they are not? I mean really, that pisses me off more then anything in the world. I am big boy, I can handle the truth.. Sometimes the truth does hurt, but that is a part of life. I recently met 2 guys, good news is, one was open from the beginning, the other, well was not, but came clean afterwards. Which I was suppose good, but at the same time. Do it from the start.

It also sucks when it happens at work.

June 28, 2005

Looks like that life altering decision could be made sooner then later it would seem. It will be a rough one, but maybe a needed one. *TEAR*

June 27, 2005

Well Pride in Toronto is over now.... It was a great weekend. Met lots of new people, which stays in with my mandate to meet someone new every time I am out. There was definitely one in particular that stood out amongst others. Good conversationalist, as in could carry one about current events, and some abstracts topics. Was pretty social, funny, and well not forget really damn cute. Only time will tell what can happen, hopefully time knows what I want and helps me achieve that.

June 17, 2005

It would seem that since Adam and G have moved out that I am 'missing' some items... A juice jug, milk jug, duffel bag, fleece blanket, just to name a few. I mean really, I do believe in karma, but does that mean for them to do that to me, I did things like that to others?

I would hate to have to release the gay mafia on their asses.

June 5, 2005

I am sitting here at 4am on the dot, thinking about what was, what is, what will be and what could be.

June 1, 2005

Funny how some people can live. Roommate moved out the other day, and he left his room a mess, utter pig sty. I collected 2 full green garbage bags, found an old Michelina's, 2 pudding snacks with some pudding still in them, an old Dorito, just one chip.

After losing over 8 bags of milk and 4 loaves of bread in as many days, I felt it necessary to put my webcam up with a motion detect to record who comes and goes at our place. I believe I know who it was, but that is in the past and water under the bridge.... bloody water.

Also changed the locks today, just to be sure, ya know?

Met this new guy, really like him, we have fun together, not sure where he wants it to go, or where I even want it to go.

May 31, 2005

Well it is true, fags do date dykes in HIgh school :P

May 22, 2005

Drama to a gay man, is like The Force to a Jedi

It seems that way anyways, as easygoing as I try to be, I am surrounded by Drama... Does it find me, or do I find it? The latest was regarding my roommates, and I was involved by association, or by the fact that I picked who lived here. Things that make you go HMMMMMMMM?

May 15, 2005

Well, it was a shitty day. The truth can hurt when you are not prepared for it. I believe in Karma, what goes around comes around. Be weary of your actions, yeah I have made mistakes, I freely admit that, and now I am paying for them. Having a gaylife crisis it would seem. Been pondering the why are we here statement. What is there after this? Is this it? Re-incarnation, something more celestial.

Hearsay is also a bad thing, but it is so hard to get a straight answer from anyone, maybe the whole world really is gay and just closeted. Maybe I am just cynical, but I find it hard to believe what some people say. Mainly due to history with them, but even some, I just can't trust what they say. I have found that most will say anything to get what they want.

Am I crazy? Well I am, I freely admit that, have never hidden it. We are a lil crazy at heart, well I think so anyways, and if you say your not, then you are lying.

Maybe the answer really is 42.